Ranking Fast Food Fried Chicken | Bless Your Rank


Welcome to Bless Your Rank. My name is
Matt. Today we are ranking fast-food
fried chicken. Just the Southern ones, I
don’t know if any other ones exist and
if they do they shouldn’t. They should
just be shut down right now. You have no
business serving fried chicken if you’re
not from the South, period!
So with today’s episode there are three qualifications
that each restaurant must meet before I
can eat their chicken. Number one they
must have at least 500 locations. That’s
a lot. Numero dos, you must have a
drive-through. That’s what makes it fast
food fried chicken. I want to stay in my
vehicle at all times, want to get crumbs
everywhere as I try to eat a drumstick
and drive down I-65. Number three,
fried chicken means the bone goes in.
Some of you are probably already getting
mad because you think that I’m not gonna
include places like Zaxby’s and
Chick-Fil-A, Guthries and Raising Cane’s
and you’re right, because chicken fingers
it’s not fried chicken. Have you lost your
mind? I’m gonna take away your Southern
card. Three things I’m looking for in
this fried chicken: number one is the
flavor because obviously it’s taste test
competition. It’s important that tastes
good. That’s, that’s how competitions like
this work. Number two: looking for crispiness.
Now I know that some chicken can
be extra crispy and some chicken is just
kind of soggy. Good chicken somewhere in
the middle I believe. You should have
some kind of bite. You shouldn’t be
biting into soggy chicken. Something
happened in the kitchen if your chicken
is soggy.
Number three: happiness. Does this chicken
make me happy? And all chicken makes me
happy so all of them are to pass the
test. We’re looking for a flavor, crispaliciousness
and happiness. Should
also note that all types of chicken that
I will be eating will be dark meat
because that is superior form of chicken,
and dark meat a certain protein called
myoglobin is found. Within myoglobin is
zinc, riboflavin, iron, vitamin b6, vitamin
b12, basically a fried Flintstone vitamin.
This is basically better for you than
kale. It’s probably a disclaimer right
now at the bottom of the screen this is
Matt is not a licensed physician, and
that is 100% accurate.
Should also warn you that I’m a trained
professional and you should not try this
at home.
Unless you’re really hungry and by all
means just go write ahead. Test number one
comes from the great state of Kentucky,
it is Colonel Sanders very own KFC. . .
Kentucky Fried Chicken. This is the
original not the extra crispy. Who gets
the extra crispy? You do that? Monster.
Here’s the thing with KFC, it was like
the fried chicken of the Mitchell
household growing up.As I got older I
realize it’s really not that great, and I
feel like KFC’s in the middle of some
kind of like midlife crisis thing right
now. It seems like every week they’ve
introducing some kind of new chicken
product. Just, just make chicken and
biscuits KFC and calm down. Let’s dig in
here. Well I say how does a greasy piece
of chicken. . . Mmm,
yeah finger looking good. It’s just grease,
it’s really not that good. I’m not sure
what happened here, missing some breading
this is just barely hanging on. I tell
this thing’s super greasy which is not
necessarily a bad thing.
KFC’s original recipe 11 herbs and
spices it’s apparently secret and they
won’t tell anybody. Not that anybody is
like asking for it that I’m aware of.
Let’s just bite in here.
This is good chicken. It’s definitely
juicy which is what you want. This is what
you usually get dark meat for. Whoever order the white meat chicken. I
don’t know what, what they’re doing with
their lives. Not a lot going on I feel like
maybe there is 11 herbs and spices but
all I taste is pepper.
It’s just okay, anybody that says that
KFC is the best fried chicken out there
has never had any other fried chicken. Oh
I’m just gonna, just gonna go straight
breading here. It’s okay. Not great,
okay. Could be crunchier. And I need . .
KFC is something in between extra
crispy and this. Extra crispy implies
that this is already crispy. This is not
crispy. Another benefit to have in the
crispys is that they should be falling
off your chicken, and if you’ve got
mashed potatoes and gravy then you kind
of just funnel those krispies over into
the mashed potatoes and gravy, mix them
up real good. It’s like a noodle side
dish I’ve created. Its crispy taters well
there’s grease everywhere and I don’t
have a napkin. Oh man, oh thank you. In
conclusion,
KFC is
fried chicken and it is available and
yet . . . ummmm . . .that’s about it. That’s all I can say
to you. If you don’t have anything else it
will do. It’s much better than starving
to death. I’m gonna go and plant my flag
here in Grease Mountain.
Competitor
number two, from the state of Louisiana
Popeyes Chicken.
Popeyes, okay. Bum-bum-da-bum.
All right Popeyes, high expectations here.
Don’t let me down. I like how it neatly packs.
Popeyes boxes are . . Do you see that?
KFC gave me a suitcase. So I’m going to
tell you the crispiness here is on point. We
got a little crispys falling around
everywhere, that’s what you want to see.
I’m excited about this, but man look at
that crispiness. Are you getting that? I
can steer this all day. (laughs) Here we go
Y’all that’s a piece of chicken!
This makes me so happy. KFC’s chicken is
a little bit juicier, but that’s because
you know after they fry I think they
just pour grease on top of it. Popeyes
chicken still is the right amount of
juiciness.
It’s got that crispy outer layer, just
the right amount of seasonings in it, to
where you’re still tasting the chicken.
It’s perfectly done chicken. I do not
regret any of the things I’ve said
towards Calli on the Back Porch Bickerin’.
Just the breading here and skin look at
that. I wish I had some potatoes right
now.
Surprise to no one when Popeyes knows
exactly what they’re doing. This is a
hard case for any other fried chicken
competitor here today. I’m gonna have to
be absolutely blown away for someone
else to eat this. It is not even fair to
put it on the same table here as KFC.
Contestant number three originated in
the great state of Texas.
It is none other than Church’s Chicken.
Of the competitors today, I will go ahead
and say that Church’s is the one that I
have had the least amount. Now there was
one very close to my apartment in
college, which I ate at pretty regularly
because it was close, and it’s cheap and
those are two very important things when
you’re in college. But they’re a little
slow sometimes. There’s a really good
chance that an order I placed in 2007 is
about to be finished any minute now.
First impression this looks like it was
underneath the gas station warmer. There’s
nothing bad about gas station chicken
and this looks like some gas station
chicken. So the crispiness of the chicken,
I think it would be there? This is like
two different textures of chicken, like
we tried frying it one way down here and
then up here we tried another method.
i’m just gonna dive in here, not quite sure
what to expect.
Why are there two different layers of
crispness? The top part was soggy and I
can’t see the bottoms like Popeyes. Is
Church’s the love child of KFC and
Popeyes? I feel like this is gonna turn
into an episode of Maury. So the meat of
the chicken is juicier than Popeyes and
it’s flavorful whatever they marinated . . .
marinated the chicken in, really good.
But the texture of the outside the
chicken is like hit or miss. Not getting
much crumbly goodness off of the chicken.
It’s not bad you consider the price of
it. I think this two piece and a biscuit
at Church’s, they actually pay you to
take. Let’s go ahead and try this the
outside. Just the . . . okay well I’m getting a
little bit of the crispiness there. It’s
just hit or miss with Church’s. I don’t
know what’s going on. I feel like I’ve
got five different pieces of chicken in
just these two right here.
You hear that crunch? It’s there. This was a
surprising entry here. I was not
expecting this. So, important lesson don’t
judge a book by it’s cover or Fried
Chicken by it’s ten different layers of
crispiness. This is good. This is weird.
This defies all logic. Is it better than
Popeyes? Is the real question right now.
And I think that based on the
inconsistency in the exterior of the
chicken. Which is the most technical term
that I’ve ever used on Bless Your Rank. Right I
don’t feel that I can place it above
Popeyes. Planting my flag in this here
chicken and I’m going to say that it is
in second place, close behind Popeyes and
several miles ahead of KFC. Our fourth
and final competitor hails from the
state of North Carolina. It’s none other
than Bojangles famous fried chicken and
biscuits. As fans of Bless Your Rank may
recall Bojangles won the biscuit ranking.
Where we had seven competitors. I had a
lot of biscuits that day. They had to
resuscitate me afterwards. Chicken though
was not part of that competition. It is
today though. So they kind of package
this like KFC, and by that I mean they
just took a giant box they throw
everything in it. Yeah I mean it kind of
has like the a slightly greasier like
Popeyes like exterior here. Which means
that the crispy goodness is not going to
come like flaking off either.
So that exterior is deceiving. That is
very crunchy.
Oh-ho that was a happy dance there, and
then you get some spices there’s some
spices right underneath that layer.
Like you can kind of see some remnants
of the spiciness there that red, there’s
some cayenne pepper or something mixed
in there.But you get it it’s not it’s
not overwhelming and this is not the
spicy chicken this is just we got the
standard chicken in all these places. But
even the standard chicken at Bojangles
have some spice to it. This is good
chicken. This this leaves like a heat in
my mouth that I like. Oh wow, that
crispness there.
I really don’t know I don’t hold on
This is very scientific. The conflict in
my heart right now is I know how good
Popeyes is, and just know focusing just on
the fried chicken here today and not the
overall experience of the chicken places.
And I realized that I’m just stalling
right now. Y’all I realized that
Bojangles biscuits won the fast food
breakfast biscuit challenge, and I just
want you to know that after trying these
four types of fast food fried chicken all
at the same time just open my eyes to
several things. How good Church’s Chicken
could be and then maybe Popeyes is not
the best fast food fried chicken
available right now. Because I think that
Popeyes is not quite as good as
Bojangles fried chicken. That shocks me a
a bit. Also this may hurt my relationship
with the cashier at Popeyes. If you’re
watching this just know that I’m sorry
and I still very much appreciate the
extra biscuit that you put in my two
piece meal. Bojangles has basically a
check off everything on the list here, it
has the flavor that none of the other
ones have. It’s got a little bit more of
a spice in it.
Crispiness, it’s there it’s not quite as
crispy as Popeyes, but it makes up for it
with its flavor. The third one I
involuntarily it made me do the happy
dance. The tape is there you can go back
and watch me do that dance over and over
again. Now what I learned today is that
Church’s is better than I thought it was,
and it confirmed that KFC is garbage
chicken. All these other chickens are
superior to KFC in every way. Bojangles
tastes the best it has the crispiness.
It made me happy, Popeyes is very close
second, Church’s a surprise third, KFC
makes me sad. In fourth place KFC, in
third place Church’s Chicken, in second
place and runner-up Popeye’s Louisiana
Kitchen, and in first place the grand
champion, Bojangles Famous Chicken ‘n
Biscuits.
All right I noticed there were some
biscuits left over in these boxes I’m
gonna go ahead and eat all these now, and
just make a giant mess and maybe pass out.
I don’t know

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