Fast Food Coffee Taste Test

Fast Food Coffee Taste Test


– I love coffee like I
am obsessed with coffee.
– On average, I would drink
about four to five cups a day.
– I’m a true man of Dunkin’ Donuts
who is the only winner right here.
– Dunkin’ Donuts is my jam, okay?
Starbucks tastes like
a homeless man’s toe.
– Oh, this hot water sure is nice.
– Yeah, this is the worst, 7-Eleven.
– That is water that someone
just like peed in or shit in.
– It’s pee water.
– Watery to the point that
I don’t know if I’m here
at BuzzFeed or white water rafting.
– Nope, nope, see, you
know, when you drink it,
OK, I like to imagine
myself on a porch in Maine.
– The sun is rising.
– Sip it and if you feel good
– No
– like with that picture.
No, you don’t feel good.
– That is also non distinct.
– Yeah, I’m right back on that waterfall.
– Do you have cream with
your coffee every morning?
Cause I’m wondering if this
is just how coffee tastes
without cream and sugar in it.
Like water and dirt.
I like this one.
– Yeah, this one’s nice.
– This is definitely sweeter,
there’s notes of vanilla.
– It’s very woodsy.
– Yup.
– Woodsy and watery, a
stream through a wood.
– I like it, it’s smooth and
it’s delicious and it’s rich.
– But it’s not too much.
– Yeah.
– I hate when coffee just
smacks you in the face.
– Don’t like it.
– Oh, oh.
– Smack this, smack this,
literally what we were talking about.
– Oh man, I took too big of a gulp.
– Easy, I don’t even need
to drink it, it’s Starbucks.
I don’t even like Starbucks.
– Yeah, that’s Starbucks.
– Thank you.
– Oh, that already has a little more bite.
A little more.
– It’s like the whiskey of coffee,
this is pretty strong.
– I think that is just hot whiskey.
I keep drinking it.
– I know, it’s addictive.
– Oh, this is Dunkin’.
– Yeah?
– Smell it.
– It does smell like New England.
– Oh, this is Dunkin’ Donuts.
– I know what New England smells like
because I was born in New England.
– How do I describe this?
Blah, blergh.
How do you describe something
so utterly boring and watered down?
– There’s complexity.
– Yes.
– I think there’s like total
complexity in this little cup.
I guess if you do that it tastes good.
– Well, (beeping) they all suck.
This is really bad.
– I don’t know, it’s like in the middle.
It’s like…
– It’s like flat, like dark.
– Meh.
– You know, I mean…
– Meh, meh.
– This one’s our favorite.
– Yeah, mutual.
– Yeah, go Starbucks, good job Starbucks.
That is so distinctly
above every thing else
on this line up.
– Starbucks?
– Oh, my God, I am so
against big business.
– We’re basic!
– We’re basic bitches.
– Cheers.
– [Voiceover] That’s McDonald’s.
– That’s McDonald’s?
Are you kidding me?
No way!
I feel like I’ve cheated
on Dunkin’ Donuts.
Damn you, McDonald’s.
Is this Dunkin’?
This shitty thing is?
No, it’s not, oh, my God, I’m so sorry.
Wow.
– I just drooled.

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